The brown eye won't let me do that either.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
