The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
