To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
