yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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