I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
