This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
