You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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