Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
