did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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