The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
