Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
