hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
