I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
