I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
