Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
