He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
