I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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