you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
