Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
