I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
