I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just puked most of my soul out..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
