She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
