My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
