Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
