I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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