it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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