just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
