i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Randomize
