I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
last night I used snow as a chaser
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
