matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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