haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
someone owes me an orgasm
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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