I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
