decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
