definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
