After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
