trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
