But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
