Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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