He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
