hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
