i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
