My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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