She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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