Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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