If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
