i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
