I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
