She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
