She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
