i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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